Paying for it: benefits, insurance and who owes what

Who pays for the funeral and the person's debts, the Social Security and veterans benefits and their deadlines, disaster and county help, and how to look for life insurance.

1. Who pays, and the person's debts Understand

Two different bills are in play after a death: the funeral, which someone arranges and agrees to pay, and the debts the person left. They follow different rules.

The funeral bill

A funeral contract is a contract with whoever signs it. Before signing, read who the contract names as the buyer, and ask the provider whether the person signing is responsible for the bill. Whether the estate later repays that person is a question for the executor, and for an attorney if the estate is in doubt. State law can also place the cost. Washington's statute on the right to decide, for example, makes the people who hold that right, and the estate, responsible for the reasonable costs (RCW 68.50.160; Washington example). Varies by state

The estate is the money and property the person left. The person who settles it is the executor named in a will, or an administrator a court appoints; the general term is personal representative. This manual does not teach estate administration (After the service covers where it begins).

The person's debts

Debts do not end at death. They are paid from the estate, and family members usually do not pay them from their own money (FTC, Debts and Deceased Relatives, 2023; CFPB, updated October 2026). If the estate cannot pay and no one else shared the debt, the CFPB says it may go unpaid. The two agencies list the exceptions:

When a collector calls

Under the federal debt collection law, a collector may discuss the debt only with the spouse, a parent of a minor, a guardian, the executor, administrator or personal representative, or a confirmed successor in interest. It may contact other relatives once to find the representative, but not to discuss the debt (FTC). Federal rule The CFPB adds that a collector may not suggest you have to pay from your own money and may not harass you.

• Ask for the debt in writing. A collector has to give validation information at first contact or within five days.
• To dispute it, write within 30 days of the validation notice; the collector has to stop until it verifies the debt (CFPB).
• Collectors may not call before 8 a.m. or after 9 p.m. unless you agree (FTC).
• To stop contact, send a letter or email and keep a copy. The FTC says a phone call is not enough. Stopping contact does not erase the debt.
• Report problems to ReportFraud.ftc.gov or the state attorney general.

2. Social Security

Social Security has three things to do with a death: it needs to know, it takes back the payment for the month of death, and it may pay a one-time amount and monthly survivor benefits. One program's rule

Reporting the death

Funeral homes generally report deaths to the Social Security Administration (SSA), so the family usually does not have to. Give the funeral director the person's Social Security number when asked, and confirm the home reported. If no funeral home is involved, or it does not report, call SSA at 800-772-1213 (TTY 800-325-0778), Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. SSA takes death reports only by phone or in person, according to USA.gov, and you can start without the death certificate. SSA tells Medicare. For a death abroad, SSA's page lists the International Call Center, +1-855-522-6936, and the US embassy or consulate.

SSA's own publication suggests calling between 8 and 10 a.m. local time or later in the day, and says Wednesday to Friday and later in the month are less busy.

The payment for the month of death

SSA does not pay benefits for the month a person dies. Payments arrive the month after they are earned, so if the person died in July, the payment that arrives in August, which is for July, has to go back (USA.gov). One program's rule If it came by direct deposit, ask the bank to return it; if it came as a check, do not cash it (SSA). This surprises families who expect the last payment to help with the funeral. Some family members may be eligible for survivor benefits for that month, which SSA decides.

The $255 lump-sum death payment

The lump-sum death payment is a one-time $255. SSA pays it to a surviving spouse who lived with the person, or to one who lived apart but could get benefits on the person's record. If there is no such spouse, a child may get it: a child 17 or younger, 18 or 19 and in school full time through grade 12, or of any age with a disability that began at 21 or younger (SSA). Apply within 2 years of the death, online or by phone at 800-772-1213. One program's rule

The $255 goes to the spouse or child, not to the funeral home. Write it on the benefits sheet with SSA as the decider and the 2-year date as the deadline.

Survivor benefits

Survivor benefits are monthly payments to some family members of a person who worked and paid into Social Security. In outline, SSA lists: a spouse 60 or older (50 to 59 with a disability), married at least 9 months, who did not remarry before 60 (50 if disabled); a spouse of any age caring for the person's child; a former spouse married at least 10 years, in some cases; unmarried children under 18 (19 if in school full time through grade 12) or with a disability that began before 22; and dependent parents 62 or older. SSA decides eligibility and the amount. On the benefits sheet, write "ask SSA" with the name of the person who will call.

3. Veterans: burial, memorials, honors and allowances

If the person served in the US armed forces, several separate benefits may apply. VA (the Department of Veterans Affairs) or the Department of Defense decides each one. Start with two actions: tell the funeral director, who usually arranges the military parts, and find the discharge papers.

The discharge papers are usually the DD Form 214 (DD214). VA's scheduling office uses it to check eligibility, and military funeral honors require it or another honorable-discharge document. Military OneSource says a copy can be ordered online or with Standard Form 180 if it is lost. Note on the documents sheet where it is and who has it (documents).

Burial in a VA national cemetery

VA lists who may be buried in a national cemetery: a veteran without a dishonorable discharge; a service member who died on active duty or in training; the spouse or surviving spouse, even one who remarried after the veteran's death; a minor child, and in some cases an unmarried adult dependent child. It also lists exclusions, including some criminal convictions, and says a VA regional office decides cases with an other-than-honorable discharge. One program's rule

VA says a national cemetery burial includes, at no cost to the family: a gravesite in any national cemetery with space, opening and closing, a government burial liner, a government headstone or marker, and perpetual care. The family generally pays other costs, such as transportation and the funeral home's services (FTC). National cemeteries take both caskets and cremated remains; the scheduling office asks which, and the container size.

To schedule, the funeral director or the family calls VA's National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 800-535-1117 (TTY 711), Monday to Friday, 8:00 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. Eastern time, with the discharge papers ready. VA says checking eligibility without discharge papers can take several days. Burials are held Monday to Friday. A pre-need decision letter, if the person had one, does not reserve a gravesite, and pre-need eligibility is something a person applies for before death, not after.

Headstones, medallions, flags and certificates

The urn-or-plaque choice

For cremated remains that will not be buried or placed in a columbarium, VA offers a commemorative urn or a plaque instead of a headstone. VA's page states the tradeoff: choosing a plaque or urn ends the veteran's eligibility for burial in a national cemetery and for a government headstone, marker or medallion. One program's rule A family that has not decided where the ashes go should decide that before filing VA Form 40-1330UP. A family that keeps the ashes at home for now and may want a national cemetery burial later keeps that option open by not taking a VA urn or plaque.

Military funeral honors

Federal law sets the minimum: a detail of at least two uniformed members who play Taps and fold and present the flag (Military OneSource). The funeral director requests the detail, with the discharge papers; Military OneSource recommends at least 48 hours to organize one. Honors cost the family nothing. A rifle volley, color guard or other elements depend on what the service has available. The service or gathering covers how honors fit the day (The service or gathering).

Burial and plot allowances

VA's burial allowance and plot or interment allowance repay part of the costs to the person who paid them and will not be repaid by anyone else: a spouse, partner, child, parent, executor, other relative or friend, or a funeral home or cemetery. VA decides each claim. One program's rule

VA's page says the veteran's discharge has to be other than dishonorable, and one of these has to be true:

• the death was service-connected (caused by a disability VA connects to service);
• the veteran died while getting VA care, at a VA facility or one VA contracted with, or while traveling at VA's expense to or from authorized care;
• the veteran had a pending original or reopened claim for compensation or pension and would have been entitled;
• the veteran was receiving VA pension or compensation, or was eligible but received full military retirement or disability pay instead.

VA pays no burial allowance for a death on active duty, while a member of Congress, or while serving a federal prison sentence. The allowance applies to every legal form of disposition, including cremation, burial at sea and donation to a medical school.

The amounts depend on the condition and on the date of death. For deaths on or after October 1, 2026, VA's page lists:

VA changes the non-service-connected figures each October 1. For a death in an earlier period, look up the row for the date of death in the burial benefit reference, which carries VA's table as read on October 17, 2026. If a discharge is upgraded after the death, VA allows 2 years from the change.

A surviving spouse already listed on the veteran's VA record does not need to file: VA says it pays a set amount automatically once it is told of the death. Everyone else applies online or by mail with VA Form 21P-530EZ, with the death certificate showing the cause of death, any itemized transportation receipt, and the DD214 recommended.

4. Life insurance, employers and public help

Finding life insurance

A policy helps only if someone finds it and claims it. Look in three places:

• The person's papers. Policies, premium notices, and the mail over the next weeks. Note on the documents sheet where each policy is and who has it; the policy number stays on the policy, not on the sheet.
• The employer, former employer or union. Ask about group life insurance along with pay and pension (see below).
• The NAIC Life Insurance Policy Locator. The National Association of Insurance Commissioners, the association of state insurance regulators, runs a free locator for policies and annuities of people who have died. The Connecticut Insurance Department describes how it works: a request starts a nationwide search among participating insurers, and if one finds a match it contacts the beneficiaries directly within 90 days. The request asks for the person's Social Security number, legal name, veteran status and your relationship. Enter those on NAIC's form; do not copy them into this manual's sheets.

When you find a policy, the insurer will ask for a certified copy of the death certificate; count it on the notifications log (notifications log). If the person was a veteran, VA also handles veterans life insurance (USA.gov).

Employers, unions and groups

AARP's checklist says to contact the employer right away, for the final pay and to ask about survivor, pension or unused-leave benefits, which may be time-sensitive. A union, a fraternal order or a religious group may also have a burial benefit; AARP lists these with VA benefits as places to check. For a military retiree, the Defense Finance and Accounting Service stops the pension and sends Survivor Benefit Plan forms; for a federal employee or retiree, the Office of Personnel Management handles it (USA.gov). Ask each one what it pays, to whom, and by when.

FEMA, for disaster deaths only

FEMA's funeral assistance covers a death caused directly or indirectly by a federally declared disaster, and only costs that insurance or other sources do not cover. One program's rule FEMA's COVID-19 funeral assistance program is closed: it covered expenses through September 30, 2025, and FEMA no longer takes new applications. Some lists of death benefits still name it; FEMA's own page governs.

The 2025 Texas floods show how a disaster program works (FEMA fact sheet, July 2025; one disaster's rules). The death had to be caused directly by the disaster's forces or indirectly by unsafe conditions it created, and a death certificate or a statement from the medical examiner or coroner had to link the death to the disaster. It covered the officiant, transfer of remains, a plot or niche, a marker, a casket or urn, interment, up to five certified death certificates, and costs required by law. It did not cover obituaries, flowers, printed materials, catering or tips. The cap, set by the state for that disaster, was up to $9,000 per death. Caps and rules vary by disaster; apply through DisasterAssistance.gov or the FEMA Helpline, 800-621-3362.

County and state help

Some counties and states help pay for a funeral or burial when the family cannot. The rules, amounts and deadlines are local. Varies by state New York is one example: its attorney general says low-income New Yorkers can apply to the county Department of Social Services for burial assistance up to 120 days after the death (New York example). Ask your county's social services or human services office, before signing a funeral contract if you can, whether it helps, what it pays, and whether it limits what the funeral may cost. If cost is a worry, ask the funeral director too whether they know the local program.

5. Deadlines and who decides

The benefits sheet holds one row per benefit (benefits sheet). Each row needs three things: who decides, the deadline and the status. This table gives them as the agencies state them. Dates count from the death unless the row says otherwise.

Write the actual date in the deadline column once you know the date of death or burial. A row is "confirmed" only when the agency or insurer has said so in writing or by a payment, and "does not apply" when the agency has said that, or when its own list plainly leaves the person out and you have noted why.

7. See it See it

Free sources that show the same thing:

• Veterans burial allowance and transportation benefits (VA, updated October 2026): the conditions, the full table by date of death, the deadlines and the claim form.
• Lump-sum death payment (SSA): who can get the $255 and how to apply.
• Does a person's debt go away when they die? (CFPB, October 2026): the general rule, the exceptions and the community property states.
• Life Insurance Policy Locator (Connecticut Insurance Department): one state regulator's description of the NAIC locator and how insurers respond.

8. Practice Practice

Minimum: the benefits sheet with the Social Security rows, the life insurance row, and the VA rows if the person served, each with who decides it and a deadline. Time: about 40 minutes, plus calls. Materials: the person's papers, the discharge papers if any, a phone, the date of death, and the benefits sheet.

1. Open the sheet. Open the benefits sheet. If your setup says the person served, the VA rows are already there; if you are not sure, keep them until the discharge papers settle it.
2. Confirm the Social Security report. Ask the funeral home whether it reported the death. Mark the row and the date.
3. Write who decides. For each row, write the agency, insurer or office from the deadlines table.
4. Write the deadlines as dates. Count from the date of death, or from the burial for the VA allowance, and write the date itself.
5. Look up the VA figures. If the person served, open the burial benefit reference, choose the date of death and the condition that may apply, and note the figure and the deadline it shows, with "VA decides."
6. Start the life insurance search. Go through the papers, call the employer or former employer, and submit the NAIC locator request. Note the date you submitted it.
7. Ask about local help if cost is a worry. Call the county social services office and write what it said and its deadline.
8. Set the status. Use "to ask," "applied," "confirmed" or "does not apply." Nothing is confirmed until the agency or insurer says so.

9. Your arrangements Your arrangements

This box reads your setup and lists the benefits rows that may apply, with the deadlines it can date.

10. Check your work Check your work

Criteria

• Does every row name the agency, insurer or office that decides it?
• Does every row with a deadline show an actual date?
• If the person served, are the discharge papers found, or is someone named to find them?
• Has someone started the life insurance search?
• Is any row marked confirmed only because the agency or insurer said so?
• Has anyone paid a collector from their own money before asking the personal representative?

Worked example

The Marshes' sheet names a decider and a deadline for each row, and the VA allowance is "to ask" with the reason written. The DD214 is found. The urn-or-plaque tradeoff is on the decisions sheet before anyone files a form. June has paid no collector. What is missing on the first pass is dates: the Marshes write the burial date into the VA allowance row once the burial is scheduled. Sam's sheet is shorter and complete for its case: the report confirmed, the $255 marked from SSA's own list, and the insurance search started.

Common mistakes

• Counting on a benefit before it is confirmed. Plan the budget on the quoted prices; add a benefit when the agency pays it.
• Treating service as eligibility. VA's allowance has conditions. A veteran with no listed condition may get a national cemetery burial and memorial items but no allowance.
• Filing for a VA urn or plaque before deciding on burial. It ends national cemetery and headstone eligibility.
• Keeping the month-of-death payment. It goes back to SSA.
• Paying a collector from family money. Ask for the debt in writing and send it to the personal representative.
• Writing identifying numbers on the sheets. The sheets say where a document is and who has it.

What is still unresolved

Every eligibility answer comes from the agency. Survivor benefit amounts come from SSA. Which debts the estate pays, and in what order, is for the personal representative and the probate court (After the service). Who holds the right to decide, when a family disagrees, is the question Who decides takes up.

11. Knowledge check and scenario

Checklist

• The benefits sheet lists every benefit that may apply, each with who decides it and its deadline.
• The funeral home confirmed it reported the death to Social Security, or we reported it.
• If the person served, the funeral director knows and the discharge papers are found or someone is finding them.
• The life insurance search is started: papers, employer and the NAIC locator.
• No row is marked confirmed until the agency or insurer confirmed it.
• I read VA's full allowance table and the survivor benefit details. (Go deeper; optional)